Sunday, February 28, 2010
I know, I know...it's been forever and I haven't finished blogging the events from the day we brought Wyatt home. So, as long as Avery stays content watching Bugs Bunny with Daddy and Wyatt stays snoozin' right next to me...I'll try and re-tell the happenings of that wonderful day.
~Part of the reason it's been difficult to sit here and write this, is that the day held so many emotions. It is interesting to try and wrap my mind around everything that transpired in 7 1/2 hours. My thoughts were not/are not only with the new member of our family, but with Wyatt's birthmom and all she was feeling. It is a difficult thing to know you are SO HAPPY about something just as someone else is so torn and grief stricken about the same event. I haven't asked her yet if it is ok to use her name on here, so for now, I will just call her "C", (the first letter of her name). ~
After the phone call from Shelley at the agency, I immediately called Johnny at work. He answered, "I'll have to call you back in a minute" I quickly said, "No, it's important!! You need to come home!!" He was then freaking out because he thought Avery was hurt or something like that. I told him, "No, Avery is fine. But, we are meeting with a birthmom at 3pm today. She had a baby boy on Saturday and is ready to place him for adoption and wants to meet us."
Next I called my Mom and told her the same thing. She and my sis Laura were at my house within 10 minutes. I called my friend Anna and she too showed up quickly with some needed items for the day ahead. My wonderful neighbor Wendy helped out also and brought a few things over that baby Wyatt would need. My Mom took Avery and they went to the store to buy an outfit to take home our new baby in. I texted a couple of other friends--in TOTAL EXCITEMENT--letting them know what was going on.
I then hopped back in the shower to get REALLY ready for the day...Johnny arrived home at 2:30 and we were ready to go. ~when Johnny arrived and saw the carseat out and ready to be out in the car, he was a little confused! Stuttering, he questioned, "I thought we were just meeting with a birthmom today?!" Yes, we are meeting her, but this baby was born on Saturday and is ready to be discharged and needs to go home with someone!! If everything goes ok, that SOMEONE will be us! Apparently, I either forgot to mention that on the phone or Johnny didn't absorb it all... Wow, ok...let's get to the hospital.
By 3:15pm we were meeting C. 16 years old, laying in a hospital bed, completely alone. My heart just ached for her. Such a different situation than we had with Avery and her birthmom Elsha. Elsha was surrounded by family and friends, which I know helped her tremendously. So here was this sweet, soft-spoken teenager trying to make one of the hugest decisions with no one by her side. Thankfully, the caseworker from Children's Aid, when she got the call from the hospital that morning, was there to support and guide her. C had been pregnant for 9 months and hadn't told ANYBODY. No one in the world had known she was pregnant besides her. She had carried this baby to full term, with no care or help from anyone. She said she started feeling sick that day he was born and then started having contractions. She timed them and realized, after reading about giving birth on the internet, that this was it. Then, she had to tell someone. She told her Dad, "Dad, I need you to take me to the hospital, I'm pregnant" Apparently he said, "how pregnant?" and she said, "um, all the way" So, they headed to the hospital to have a baby. (C's mother passed away a few years ago, so she did not have that option of talking to her Mom about this)
Just a few hours later, her baby boy was born. She named him Johny. She spent the next day and a half holding him and discussing with her Dad her options. I'm not sure how it all happened, but by Monday morning, she had made the decision, ON HER OWN, to place her sweet boy with a family. She talked to one of the nurses, who got in touch with our agency. Immediately, our agency sent a caseworker over to her, with 3 profiles for her to look at, one of which was ours. This was about 10:30-11am. By 12 noon, she had talked with the caseworker about her desire for the baby to have a Mother and a Father and decided that we were the family she would like to meet. That's when we got the call.
...meeting C. Quite overwhelming...probably more so for her than us... We talked a little about what we liked to do, what she liked to do--nothing too terribly exciting, just small talk. Then we started talking about the baby (whom we hadn't seen yet) Johnny asked her what she wanted for her baby boy. Through tears she quietly said, "I just want him to be happy and have a Father and a Mother." I put my arm around her, and we talked for a few minutes about the things we like to do with Avery and as a family. I assured her that we would love her baby boy and welcome him into our family just as we had Avery. At this point Johnny asked her if she would like a few minutes alone and she agreed that it was time for that. Her caseworker stayed with her and we left the room with our caseworker. Shortly after that, her caseworker came out and said, "Ok, she's ready, she likes you guys, she's comfortable with you guys. She'd like to spend another hour or so with the baby and then she will sign relinquishment." Wow, just like that, we were coming home with a baby that night.
I asked if I could see this baby that we were about to take home. C was not ready to see us with the baby, it was too hard for her. But, she did want us to be able to meet him. The nurses set us up in another room and brought in our new baby. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G...seeing our baby for the first time. He was all bundled up, all I could see was tons of dark hair. We unwrapped him a little and held him for the first time. How do you even describe a moment like that?...I won't even try right now. We only had 5 minutes with him. We took a picture on our cell phone and sent it to my Mom so Avery could see her new brother. My Mom said she carried the cell phone for the rest of the evening, beaming with excitement. She was already telling her friends about her new brother...such a proud big sis :)
For the next two hours we waited...I can only imagine what C was going through. Alone in a hospital bed with her baby, knowing that those would be the last few moments like that. Those moments are for her, to hold on to, and maybe someday share with Wyatt. I wonder a lot about what she told him, or if she just held him and sat in quiet for those last few moments. I know she loves him, and he will always know that.
About an hour and a half into it, our caseworker called and said, "she's having a hard time"...that's all she said. It was ok though, how could she not be? We were not on a time schedule, I wanted her to take as long as she needed. We walked around the hospital and just talked to each other (Johnny and I).
Within 15 minutes of that call from the caseworker, we got called to come upstairs and get our baby. C had signed relinquishment and was going home. Our baby was waiting in another room. I wanted so badly to give C another hug, and thank her for the gift she had given us...she was having too much of a difficult time for that to happen. I can only hope that someone sat up with her that night and comforted her. Although, she has said that she is at peace with her decision, she has also said it is still extremely hard. This is the part of adoption that is so bitter-sweet. We were beyond thrilled to bring home this sweet baby, and happy that C felt comfortable with us and was confident that we would love and care for him. But it is very difficult to know that she is going home in tears of grief and we are going home in tears of joy. ...unexplainable really...our love and concern for her,as with Avery's birthmom, is beyond words. I think it is really something you have to experience to understand. Nothing did or could have prepared me for the feelings that I now have for my birthmoms. As one friend put it, they are unsung heroes. This is so true. Amazing, courageous, strong, loving, selfless, giving...who else on this earth can give such an amazing gift? For those of us that cannot physically have children, these woman are everything to us. What would my life be without Elsha and C? I can't imagine not having Avery, and now Wyatt. They are my children, miraculously. My heart will forever be grateful for these two girls, who gave me my children.
...back to the story...we spent a few minutes, getting de-briefed from Wyatt's nurse, and then changed our new little man into his outfit from Grandma and put him in his carseat to come home. ~...also, we had known for years that we wanted to name a baby boy Wyatt, and we were so glad that C liked it also. She had been calling him Johny David, and asked that we keep David as his middle name--it is a family name that she wanted him to have. Of course we obliged. We decided that his full name would be Wyatt Benjamin David Nobles.~
We took a few pictures with Wyatt and then headed for home. Wyatt was going home with us, what an amazing day. That morning was just a normal Monday, and by 8pm we were on our way home from the hospital with our new baby. Almost too much to comprehend. The ride home was surreal. We showed up at home and Avery was waiting in the window to see her new brother. My parents, sister and Aunt were there also--with balloons and flowers to welcome home baby Wyatt. Our next door neighbors were so excited for us and came by for a few minutes to meet the baby also. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were now a family of 4!!!!!!!!!!! We had waited for this moment for a long time, it was finally here. I just wanted to soak it all in.
I couldn't sleep at all that night, I just held my baby in awe. I also emailed C, as I told her I would. I know she was struggling, but hoped that our communication would help ease some of her pain. I told her that we were so happy to welcome Wyatt into our family and how grateful we were for her decision.
This was truly one of the best days of my life. A new member in our family that we had hoped and prayed so much for. He is here, finally.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
i don't have much time to write this morning, but i thought i'd share a few recent pictures. Wyatt is starting to coo and smile--so fun!! avery loves for wyatt to lay next to her at night as she goes to sleep... we are having a wonderful time as a family of 4
Posted by Janel at 9:17 AM
Monday, February 8, 2010
Let's start back a little...we had been working with an adoption agency in California since January 2008, and officially ready and on their books to adopt as of July 2008. Waiting, waiting, waiting...nothin'... So, when Johnny got a call from Pepsi in Salt Lake, asking him to come back and work for them...I said, "no way!" I didn't want to leave until we had a baby... it's a lot of work in the adoption world to move state to state...more and more paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, profile updates... However, Johnny was convinced that it was the best thing for our family...so we packed up and headed back to Utah. First things first, I had to find a house--a house that was ready for a baby. Once we did that, we immediately unpacked and put the house in order so we could have our homestudy updated and show that we are ready!...meanwhile, our lovely agency in Cali took us off of their books because we were "not ready"...in transit, homestudy not updated...I WAS TICKED!! We contracted with Children's Aid Society of Utah, the agency that helped us get Avery, and felt right away like we were back in the right place. So, in about October, we had our homestudy and fingerprints re-done... more waiting... In December we painted Avery's room and got new carpet...getting prepared. The first week in January I told Johnny we needed to paint the "baby" room--for a boy. He didn't say it, but he told me later, he was feeling bad for me--like I was loosin' it... My sweet hubby painted a beautiful room, put together a crib and changing table. We also pulled out the rocking "moose" I had bought in March 08 and put it together in the baby boy room. Keep in mind, we had no leads on getting a baby...but we now had Children's Aid on our side and I KNEW something was going to happen soon. Saturday, the 23rd of January, I was feeling sad...I told Johnny that I felt like it was time to have a baby in our home...turns out baby Wyatt was born that night --although we didn't have any idea about it until Monday January 25th. Sunday, the day before, I had gone into our storage room and gotten out the changing table pad...at this point, I kinda wondered if I was crazy...but something was telling me to get ready. Funny thing is, we were supposed to be out of town--but Johnny had been so busy with work,so we had decided to post-pone. Good thing we did--because we got the CALL OF A LIFETIME!! At about 11:30 Monday morning I thought about calling the agency--just to see if anything was happening--any new birthmoms... No, I thought to myself, if they have something, they will call. I got in the shower, rinsed off, threw my hair in a ponytail and was ready for the day...so I thought... Avery and I were about to make jello, when, at 12:30ish, the phone rang and it was Children's Aid...
"Janel, it's Shelley, we met with a birthmom this morning who had a baby boy on Saturday and is ready to place him for adoption and would like to meet you. Can you be at Ogden Regional Hospital at 3pm? If everything goes as planned, we will place this baby with you and Johnny today."
...to be continued...